Author Topic: fuck off australia part 4  (Read 9646 times)

goat

  • citymanc
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fuck off australia part 4
« on: September 16, 2015, 17:39:46 »
found a good looking show on netflix, top 72 stroppy animals or something

all 72 are in fucking australia!...what the fuck is going on with that place, seriously no need, pick 2 you want to keep and kill the rest

how do you go to the pub without a croc having your leg off and shit and is it safe having a shit or will a shark have your bollocks off

gavin

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  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2015, 21:06:30 »
It would make your life more interesting at least but I don't think incidents are that common. Anyway there's loads of dangerous animals in Cardiff.

goat

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2015, 21:18:14 »
only the women

some tart had her head bit by a sea lion, seriously, close the place down


not seen ken on this  list yet

nimrod

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2015, 21:51:20 »
America is worse

I can go walking on Mt Tambourine or the Glasshouse Mtns near where I live and the only thing to watch for are snakes which dont attack you, they fuck off when they hear you coming, nothing is gonna eat you..

In the US, you have to worry about nasty Bears, Mountain lions, Cougars, Snakes, Coyotes, Wolves

I once stayed in a log cabin in Sierra Madre mountains in California and at 1 am I was woken by a bear outside my fucking cabin, I was terrified it would rip the door of and eat me (maybe girlfriend first) didnt get any sleep

Much safer in Oz, no guns either   ;D

goat

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2015, 22:00:50 »
bollocks, sharks, crocs, spiders in your daps, snakes every bastard where and its too hot

not a big fan of africa either

nimrod

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2015, 22:57:56 »
you watch too many daft tv shows

only scary things here are the women 

(now chopper reed's dead)  :D

goat

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2015, 23:04:35 »
dont come running to me after a koala has kicked the shit out of you

nimrod

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2015, 23:12:59 »
dont come running to me after a koala has kicked the shit out of you

you gotta wach out for them dropping out of trees, about 4 kilo's they could give you brain damage

Rowley Birkin QC

  • citymanc
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  • But then I was very, very drunk...
Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2015, 23:46:23 »
Oh nimmers - now you know that only happens during the mating season...


Meanwhile - be careful going to the toilet in Townsville -

http://www.abc.net.au/news/image/6777242-3x2-940x627.jpg

bluepill

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2015, 00:18:37 »
fuck that.

nimrod

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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2015, 02:01:58 »
Oh nimmers - now you know that only happens during the mating season...


Meanwhile - be careful going to the toilet in Townsville -

http://www.abc.net.au/news/image/6777242-3x2-940x627.jpg

do you think thats real or a photoshop jobbie?

Swiss

  • citymanc
  • Posts: 2690
Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2015, 10:42:05 »
Apart from the snake, looks like you'd catch something anyway!


I was attacked by a Spider in Oz, was cooking in a rented villa (sounds posher than it was) and dropped some raw mince on the floor. A spider climbed out from underneath and started feasting on it. My GF at the time wouldn't let me kill it so I got a bowl and a plate and attempted to catch it (no way picking it up by hand). As I put the plate down it started hissing at me (rubbing it's back legs on it's carapace) and then started jumping at the plate over and over again... My size 11's came down fast on that little fucker.

Saw a massive red cricket in the bog.

We had a lizzard climbing up the bathroom wall, the ex took a photo and the flash stunned it, poor fella never recovered!

Saw loads of Jelly Fish

Sawins in the sea and rushed out to see everyone rushing in... Dolphins, not taking my chances there!

Didn't see any snakes

There was a tiny black spider that lived above the back door, we ran out of that every time!

had a cockroach climb over our bed, boy that was big!

And there was something in the loft... kept moving things and scuttering about...

Didn't see any snakes

The news reported that a 15 foot tiger shark had been spotted off the beach we were swimming on...

got sunburnt.

Rowley Birkin QC

  • citymanc
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  • But then I was very, very drunk...
Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2015, 11:56:59 »
Oh nimmers - now you know that only happens during the mating season...


Meanwhile - be careful going to the toilet in Townsville -

http://www.abc.net.au/news/image/6777242-3x2-940x627.jpg

do you think thats real or a photoshop jobbie?

Sometimes I worry about you nimmers  ;)  Of course it's not Photoshoped - check the picture URL, it's from a legitimate ABC news story.

The recent lack of rain around Townsville has dried out a lot of the natural snake habitats and it seems a fair number of snakes have been seeking solace in suburban toilets!

Full story (with more pics) here -

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-09-15/snakes-in-loos-search-for-water-in-townsville-houses/6778608

Rowley Birkin QC

  • citymanc
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  • But then I was very, very drunk...
Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #13 on: September 17, 2015, 12:26:03 »
Swiss needs to man up  :D

I've lived here 20 years and not seen a single snake outside of a wild life park. Seen plenty of snake trails in the sand / dirt - but no snakes. They tend to avoid humans.

On average only 1 to 2 people are killed by sharks in Australia each year (since records began in 1791).
In Britain more people are killed by cows. It's only a few years ago that 4 people in the UK were trampled to death by cows in one 2 month period alone.

The thing "in the loft" was probably only a possum

As far as your well being is concerned the sunburn you got was probably the most hazardous thing.

Although.... the hissing spider does sound interesting. Did it have any markings?

goat

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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2015, 13:15:17 »
so kens working for the aussie tourist board now


see, i was right, look at tonys story. its a fucking nightmare place

and add the accent to my list...not everything is a question
« Last Edit: September 17, 2015, 13:18:13 by goat »

Rowley Birkin QC

  • citymanc
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  • But then I was very, very drunk...
Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #15 on: September 17, 2015, 13:39:09 »
so kens working for the aussie tourist board now

see, i was right, look at tonys story. its a fucking nightmare place

I'll remind you of this conversation the next time you get beaten up by a herd of welsh cows

and add the accent to my list...not everything is a question

Got a point there. Bloody annoying is the 'Australian Inflection'.

nimrod

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #16 on: September 17, 2015, 13:42:45 »
I didnt notice the ABC thing Ken,  :D but Ive seen a few fake pictures of Aussie creatures.........I think the thing is if you live in a City (like me & Ken) you dont see snakes, Ive lived on 2 acres for a good few years and Ive only seen 2 snakes and one of them was dead, seen loads of possums, brush turkeys, Kangaroos, Koalas, giant fruit bats etc I think snakes tend to go to live in places where humans dont live, we get a few spiders in the house, say 1 a month but I dont mind them, Huntsmen spiders scared me to death when I first came here but I can actually pick one up now and put it out, they are about the size of the average womans (quite big) hand but not poisonous, we sometimes get one coming in the house in summer, they dont build webs, they hunt at night and can travel one or two kilometres a night

goat

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #17 on: September 17, 2015, 13:55:08 »
so kens working for the aussie tourist board now

see, i was right, look at tonys story. its a fucking nightmare place

I'll remind you of this conversation the next time you get beaten up by a herd of welsh cows


you managed to get through llantwit with no cow related incidents

nimrod

  • citymanc
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Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #18 on: September 17, 2015, 13:58:17 »
so kens working for the aussie tourist board now

see, i was right, look at tonys story. its a fucking nightmare place

I'll remind you of this conversation the next time you get beaten up by a herd of welsh cows


you managed to get through llantwit with no cow related incidents

he was too busy with the sheep

Swiss

  • citymanc
  • Posts: 2690
Re: fuck off australia part 4
« Reply #19 on: September 17, 2015, 19:54:17 »
Swiss needs to man up  :D

I've lived here 20 years and not seen a single snake outside of a wild life park. Seen plenty of snake trails in the sand / dirt - but no snakes. They tend to avoid humans.

On average only 1 to 2 people are killed by sharks in Australia each year (since records began in 1791).
In Britain more people are killed by cows. It's only a few years ago that 4 people in the UK were trampled to death by cows in one 2 month period alone.

The thing "in the loft" was probably only a possum

As far as your well being is concerned the sunburn you got was probably the most hazardous thing.

Although.... the hissing spider does sound interesting. Did it have any markings?

Did I mention the Jellyfish???

I wasn't bothered by the thing in the loft, Sharks... yes, I didn't want to be one of those 2 people per year...


I think the Welsh drivers are far more dangerous than the cows, I've been overtaken 6 times in the last 2 days on windy country roads, I was doing 55 to 60 and most were over taking near blind corners or hills... maniacs!